Life isn't always incredible and last term I had a couple of sad moments to myself. This term, I've made myself super busy doing stuff that I'm excited by and/or proud of. I wrote this the other day, but last night was a fantastic night out with my mates and it's just confirmed to me that life is going pretty well right now (even though I have two essays to hand in in the next couple of weeks).
I think this first paragraph is a massive step in my feeling better. I'm finally looking at memories of my ex as something to smile and reminisce about, not shove into a dark corner in the hope it won't resurface. By not running from the past anymore, it paradoxically means that I can leave it behind. For years I thought that I was pained at her cheating on me, but I always knew that I was looking at the iceberg on the surface of the water and ignoring the rest. The cheating wasn't exactly pleasant, but it was the heartbreak that, well, broke me. Realising that, for whatever reason, has helped me to let go. Being hurt helped me initially to learn new lessons, but the last lessons I've got to learn are about not holding on to that pain. I realised that this September will be 3 years since we broke up - that's an unbelievable amount of time to be hung up over something and it does me no good. Now I've realised that, I'm much better. I'm not ashamed that it's taken me so long to get to where I am because there is no time limit on getting better. I'm better now and that's what matters.
I'm learning a song called Ocean by John Butler. It's a song I could never have imagined being able to learn because, frankly, it's fucking ridiculous and almost 12 minutes long. I first heard it when I was probably around 10 years old when my brother showed it to me on YouTube and was just amazed at this guy. I listened to it constantly on repeat whilst on my now late grandfather's computer when I was playing Stick Cricket. Then at one point last year, I decided that it would be my next project. I'd learned Ben Howard songs in the past that had been way out of my reach at the time, so this was going to be the same, no matter how long it took. And I'm almost there, I just need to perfect it for a NEST gig I have on the 7th. One day I went "Why the fuck not? Let's at least give it a crack," and that's something I'll bring with me to other points in my life.
And I'm doing more even more things. I'm working hard at NEST (my refugee volunteering), working on both the Events team and Explore project, leading the grammar classes with Mirjam and hopefully organising a partnership with a large company. NEST is going places - even the UNHCR (UN High Commission for Refugees) is interested in what we do - and it's unbelievably exciting to be a part of. As Bridget said: "When the thing which inspires you most in life is the thing which you are working towards, you get this unstoppable motivation and a momentum for change. This is what is happening with N.E.S.T."
I'm also lifting more weight at the gym than I ever have done, a lovely ole two fingers to that truck in Vietnam. I guess for my parents sake, I should also point out that my university grades are looking good and that I'll be helping someone in their campaign to be the President of the SU.
I'm not waiting for the future to do things I'm proud of anymore, I'm making time and doing them right now. I'm doing things I never thought possible or had lost faith in my ability to do them. I'm surrounded by good people that I enjoy being with and can rely on.
It's a good place to be.