Happy New Year! The world is apparently going to come to a close soon, so here's my latest version of Ask A Stranger, but this time with family and all based around Christmas questions for you to enjoy as one of the last things you ever read.
Sue
My aunt was busy cooking a fantastic Christmas dinner (she didn't tell me to say that, regardless of what the picture might suggest) and took the time to be my first Ask a Non-Stranger.
"...I thought that somebody who would buy me colouring pencils was really worth hanging on to.”
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“So the best Christmas gift waaas when I’d only just met Alan and when we, we, neither of us never had any money, so we used to – a date for us was walking round a town centre in the evening looking in shop windows and… there was a lovely art shop in Bolton where Alan came from and there was a tin of caran d’ache colouring pencils and I said “ever since I was a kid, I wanted those beautiful coloured pencils that were set out like a rainbow, but they were very, very expensive so I could never afford them.” So that idea planted in Alan’s mind and theeen, months later, he presented me with that tin of colouring pencils! Which I thought that was just great and that was one of the reasons I really loved him because, unlike everyone my age at that time were buying each other cliché gifts, so perfume… chocolate, things like that, I thought that somebody who would buy me colouring pencils was really worth hanging on to.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“Right, I thought of this straight away when you mentioned it. So, years ago, it must have been, it would be – check this in the history books or Wikipedia – whenever microwaves were invented, Papa bought Nana a microwave for Christmas (proceeds to laugh). Now I’ve got to say, if somebody bought me a piece of kitchen equipment for Christmas, I would probably kill them! But anyway, you know, different generation and he bought her a microwave for Christmas and you know what Papa’s like: after the usual “don’t be stupid Ruthie, this is how you plug it in,” they finally got the microwave set up and then Nana made Christmas dinner. And what the tradition used to be was that the neighbours would come in and have lots of alcohol at that sort of whilst-the-turkey’s-cooking stage, so we drank a lot… put some music on… started playing the piano… and of course we danced! And we had a great time, great party and then someone realised that “oh, you know that Christmas dinner that you put on the plates and we were gonna eat? It’s still on the plates,” and she had forgotten to actually serve the meal, so we all carried on drinking and dancing. Eight plates of frozen cold… and then we all lined up at the microwave – at the brand-new microwave and then had our Christmas dinner! And that’s one of the best Christmas memories I’ve got cos I just picture my mum and dad with rosy cheeks, drunk, dancing and that was lovely.”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“So… I’ll think about this in a work sense because work is a big part of my life at the moment – until I retire. So I went to work for a woman called Glenis Mitchell who ran her own business and she did a management buy out of the business at the time where it was really unheard of for women to be in senior positions in business. And she actually owned that business. She… she bought what had been a publishing division from Cheshire County Newspapers and set it up as an independent company, and it was a business that published loads of umm company newspapers, ran a photo graphics studio, built a video production company and she asked me to go and work with her. And I learnt – the lessons she taught me, I’m still applying today, and she was just amazing. She was actually not a very pleasant woman; she wasn’t someone you would spend a lot of time socialising with, but that sort of didn’t matter because I just respected her massively and… remember this was in the… this was 1988? And this was a time where, for example I’d gone to work – my first job women weren’t allowed to wear trousers to work. This was – so for a woman to not only raise the finance to buy a division of a business, but then to run it successfully… aaand the lessons I learned from her were just phenomenal and um… yeah, so Glenis Mitchell. And her birthday is the same day as mine and she’s twelve years older than me and whenever it’s my birthday, I always have a toast in my head to Glenis Mitchell. She doesn’t know it, but I do that because she taught me a lot and I think she’s brilliant!”
Mum
Barbara, Babs, Doiks, Mother McLaughlan. Whatever you call her, we sat together in my granddad's study for a unique interview.
"...I’m no longer so interested in material things,
so having those experiences is really important to me..."
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“Actually, Fabe, I haven’t thought back that much, but I looove the Christmas present that dad has just given me, which is two trips: one to Venice and one to Montpellier. And I particularly like the idea of going to Venice because I have never been to Venice and it’s one of those places that, that seems in a lot of danger because of all the cruise ships and all the climate change – and it may be one of those last chances of seeing what I think of as an enchanted place. It’s not… it’s not so much the whole… touristy thing about it and Venice of lovers, it’s just… aaa… an amazing place – I, I can imagine. We’re going for Valentine’s Day, which is… you know, loaded with, with lots of stuff, but that’s not so important, it’s just the place so… and, and the other trip as well, so I’m reeeaaally pleased because I… I, I’m no longer so interested in material things, so having those experiences is really important to me and, and that’s lovely. I’m really… really humbled because I didn’t get Dad that many great presents this year!”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“Well my Christmas memories are very much about being a child in Germany and – it – I – it makes me really emotional because every time… we were such a big family, so it wasn’t about giving lots of presents, but before Christmas we’d write our own Christmas lists. And, and, it was mainly about books and records and, and we’d do the lists and at Christmas we’d get some of them and then we’d get some books that maybe we hadn’t thought of and umm… and at Christmas my mum would always get a huge box of oranges and… that sounds really weird these days, but these really lovely juicy oranges that you’d only get at Christmas and it was the only time when we could eat as many oranges as we’d like! Because we were such a big family, we just couldn’t afford for everybody to just eat oranges, as many as they would want to, whenever, so umm… Christmas was always special because the, the presents were… not, not, not huge amounts of money but just the books! And the records at the time! I couldn’t afford many records so to get the books and the records I loved… it was so special. So Christmas in Germany, when I was a kid or until I was a teenager even – and a bit older, umm… a really special time."
--------- For some extra bits of my mum's answer to this question, you'll have to scroll to the very bottom! ---------
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“So, I think it has to be Steve Winyard, my boss at RNIB. And the reason for that is that he really taught me how to do campaigning and I really believe that… that has influenced and shaped my professional life more than anything. And… it was just so great to learn the trade from somebody who’s one of the best in the business. And he wrote his own books about campaigning and lobbying… and he implemented what he knew was the best way to do it. And he was innovative and we… you know, spent money on a designer who did the most amazing booths and… you know, we won those ‘best stand’ at Labour many times. And he – he just knew how to influence people… and I learned so much because I never – you know, when I joined the RNIB I had been working in a – so I’d learned stuff when I was working in consultancy, but then working in-house was very different. And it was bringing all of the different elements together: the media, the… government affairs and the parliamentary work, umm… the evidence base! Evidence-based campaigning, that’s what he was really good at. And I still use that to this day! And I, just… and he was a really nice guy to work with, so I think he’s the one who influenced my professional life the most.”
Nana
My Nana is an absolute trooper. 83 and going strong, she sprinkled some of her wisdom on Christmas day.
"...I think you always appreciate things that are made for you, you know."
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“Bill’s father [not direct family, so it kind of counts]. He was Tommy McLaughlan. He was… a gentleman. He was very… talkative. He was – he had a good way with words. He liked to talk to people and he like to put his point over so that he could, you could understand what he was saying, meaning. And he spoke to me before I married Bill and said “you know, he’s still very young, he’s not sewn his wild oats yet.” And I said, “don’t worry, I’ve no desires on him.” (little giggle) Which I thought was quite funny and then of course um… six months later he died and a few months after that we got married. It was… but he was a very, very – he was the nicest person I ever met. He was such a gentleman. You’d have loved him. He had a lovely… way of speaking to people and being interested in what they were saying. But very often, he’d tell you a joke and he’d be so enjoying himself, he was laughing his head off, so you couldn’t hear what the joke was because he was laughing so much. Yeah, he was a great fellow."
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“Yessss. When I was little, my – it’s two: favourite Christmas memory and favourite Christmas present. They’re often… they’re together. Because the best Christmas present I ever had was a doll’s house that my mum and dad made. My dad built it and my mother decorated it and it had little light switches inside and little lights that hung from the ceiling. And you switched the switch on and the light – the house lit up. It was lovely. It had three bedrooms and uh, a living room, a sitting room and kitchen and a bathroom upstairs… and three bedrooms. It was lovely.”
“And so why was it your favourite memory then?”
“I think it’s because it made the most impression, the biggest impression on me. It was such a big present and it was – I think you always appreciate things that are made for you, you know."
“It’s really personal, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It was good. We had it until, umm… your father was born and then Vivienne took it, so I’ve not seen it since. But that doesn’t matter because I’ve got the memories of it.”
Dad
My dad is a - and don't tell him I said this - a very wise person and here he proves it again with the importance of balance.
"And we’ve been married for many, many years since then..."
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“So, the best Christmas gift ever, the most memorable one, was a pair of Top Dog football boots. They were my first ever football boots and they fitted me like a glove and in fact I slept in them. And they were above the ankle football boots with big heavy studs in and it was when you used to have leather footballs, which were evil. And I must have beeeen abooouut – I’m not sure when we left Highfield Avenue – but I think… I think we left Highfield Avenue ’74, so I was twelve… I think I was eight years old, so in 1970, my Top Dog football boots – very special. I scored several superb own goals with those.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“My most memorable Christmas ever was when I was alone… and it was in abooout -”
“Favourite Christmas memory?”
“Favourite Christmas memory, I was alone, and it was about nineteen – I can’t remember if it was 1990, I think? Three months earlier, I’d been in Berlin on a conference and the conference director was a lady called Barbara Deuker. And then for the next three months we stayed in contact by letter because there was no email or anything else. And just after Christmas, I got a letter from Barbara Deuker to tell me she had had a wonderful Christmas at her grandmother’s house “and you may ask me why I’m with my grandmother. Well that’s because… I don’t have a boyfriend.” And we’ve been married for many, many years since then, so that was my best Christmas. It was what was about to come.”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“The greatest influence on my life, who sadly I never told… him that he was, but I hope he knew it. Was a man called Osvaldo… who was my photography mentor. When I’d discovered photography, I’d taken a picture that people said was nice and I thought “oh I’ve got some skill here.” And he coached me and helped me from his home in Italy and he created something that became the balance in my life that I desperately needed. And when I don’t have that balance, I struggle. And he was the man that helped me on that… uhhhh… and he helped me on my general attitude to life… whether it was towards people that I had never heard of or towards people who I did know who were friends – he, he coached me and helped me on that – ACCidentally, he didn’t know that he was doing any of this and uh… he, he died the day before my birthday in twenty… fifteen?… and I’ll never forget him.”
Papa
My granddad - who I lovingly nicknamed Baldilocks at a young age (around the same time my brother nicknamed me Stonehenge for my at-the-time gappy teeth) - is the king of one liners. Here he proves it by answering largely with single sentences.
"...he was my hero, I tried to be like him.”
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“Well the one that always sticks in my memory wasn’t the biggest or anything, but the first, small Meccano set I got as a Christmas present.”
“And why was that your favourite?”
“I don’t know, I just fell for it, enjoyed playing with it.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
Long Pause
“I would say… that what we’ve done tonight [Cards Against Humanity] is likely to become a favourite Christmas memory because it’s been good fun and we’ve had the whole age range of the family from the oldest, your Nana, to the youngest, you. And we’ve had a good meal!”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“Oh yeah… yeah… uh, yeah… yeah… he was like a mentor at work, Dr. Avery. Because I admired him and he was very bright, had a sense of humour and was very fair. And he was a mentor to me. He was just a good guy. And… he became – he was my hero, I tried to be like him.”
“What kind of things did you try to… what, what characteristics did you try to copy?”
“He was always honest, he never told lies. Uh… He was always fair – if you were wrong, he wasn’t afraid to tell you, but he would try and help you get better. And he was just a sort of model for me.”
Alan
Alan can simply described as a small man with a big heart. And he loves bikes.
“I went and bought another one, yeah, when I was 45.”
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“A rally chopper bike. When I was twelve. Eleven, I mean. It was the best present ever, I like bikes.”
I paused the recording whilst he showed me the kind of bike that he meant
“So you, you got your cousin’s second hand one, rebuilt it and then fourteen years later –”
“I went and bought another one, yeah, when I was 45.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“Having all my relatives in the room alive at the same time… having a Christmas meal like the one we’ve just had, like that.”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“Friend of mine, yeah my friend Ian Shephard.”
“How come?”
“Well we met when we were twelve and became very good friends… yeah, and um. He introduced me to a lot of things.”
“And how long were you friends for?”
“About twenty years, fifteen years, maybe.”
Finn
We did this interview a couple days later on my birthday and it was filled with nostalgia for me when he mentioned that incredible PS2.
“This isn’t a Christmas question.”
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“Umm… When… I think it was money, or it was the actual… I think it was money or it was actually the ticket itself. It was either money that I bought a ticket, or the ticket itself – I think it was actually the ticket itself – for Reading… twenty… eleeevvveeennn. So it was the year that Foo Fighters, Florence and the Machine and The Cure played. That was cool. Yeah, that was the best Christmas present. It was fun. Fun weekend.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“I can’t really… I struggle, I struggle to distinguish Christmas memories from Christmas presents… umm… I remember… once doing Christmas at Oma and Opa’s in Trier – I can’t remember how old we were, but it was the year we got a PlayStation. Two. Bought – so we played PS2 upstairs in Opa’s room. Must have been like FIFAaaaa Ooo… Something. So that’s a good – but ALSO, I think it was that Christmas we had a cleaner who used to come over all the time and she bought the two of us a football, which was a completely unexpected gift. I remember that being really nice, so THAT Christmas, I think? Yeah.”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“This isn’t a Christmas question.”
“Well, it’s a time about family and friends, we’re talking about memories that you have with family, now we’re going onto friends that are important to you.”
“Uhh… Biggest thing… Influence? This is influence not in the sense of… over a period changi – directly changing my character or my outlook or anything, but this would be an influence in terms of… something that… led my life in a certain direction. And I could probably kind of almost pinpoint on this one thing and it was a book… that I probably got for Christmas actually, linking it back… umm, called Zero Sum World by Gideon Rachman. And that was probably the book that made me want to study politics at university and… so you could say, that book led to the transition between being a child in Reigate to… choosing to go to university, going to university in Exeter and now onto the life that I live now. So yeah.”
Charlotte
My cousin had invited me to her New Year's house party - absolutely loved it - and some of us dragged ourselves across the Brighton coast line the next day - didn't love it so much.
“Because she is a bad bitch.”
What is the best gift that someone has given to you and why?
“The best gift somebody’s got me is probablyyy… a Christmas gift or any kind of gift? I don’t know, I need to think. You smell like alcohol. The best gift anyone’s ever gotten me is…”
“A dressing gown.” (Grace)
“Yeah, a dressing gown, from Grace. Basically, I had this intense desire for a dressing gown and she’s got like ten, she loves them. And she always goes on about how great a dressing gown is and how necessary they are. And I thought, I really, really want one. And then, she got me one for Christmas! And it’s got a hood on it. It is a FANTAStic gift. That is actually fantastic. I was so happy with it.”
What is one of your favourite Christmas memories?
“One of my favourite Christmas memories was this year as well when we played Cards Against Humanity with Nana and Papa and Nana said the word ‘boner’ and Papa said “penis breath”. Alsooo, my – is it Christmas memory? Another lovely Christmas memory is… every year when Papa falls asleep with Murphy on his lap, it’s my favourite thing in the world. I just love it.”
Who or what outside of your family has had the greatest impact on your life and why?
“That’s such a huuuuge question. Do you mean like a famous person, like a celebrity, like an idol? Or like a friend or?”
“Anyone… however you interpret it.”
“I don’t know, that is the hardest one. Hmm… Hmmm… Hmmm! Maybe my cat.”
“Why?”
“Because she is a bad bitch.”
And what better way to finish?
Happy voluntravelling in 2020, lads and lasses,
The Voluntraveller
--------- Extra pieces of my mum's answer to question 2 ---------
“That’s so lovely… umm… I find that really interesting because obviously – umm – me having grown up as a middle-class kid, like, it’s a big difference.”
“Yeah, my, my family was just a lot… a lot poorer and, and, but we didn’t feel poorer. Didn’t feel poor at all – felt, you know, that was just what it was like and… and it was never… we weren’t wanting anything. And the other thing for Christmas(!) was always we had… my mum did all this baking of biscuits before Christmas and we would help, but she – so at Christmas, we would get a whole plate! And it was always these umm… cardboard plates that had Christmas patterns on them and you’d get a whole plate of different types of biscuits and EVERY single person got those, so you could, it was YOUR plate and you could decide when you were going to eat them and it was amaaaZING! And the most special Christmases was when my dad had managed to also make, umm, roasted almonds. So he would, my dad who never cooked! At all! Would blanche the - so take of the skins of the almonds and then roast them in a pan with some salt and it would take AGES. I, I never understood why he didn’t do it in the oven, but he would take ages and they were so nice. They were reeaally crunchy and then with the salt – so each of us would get a small packet of those – pack of those, umm, almonds. That was so special. Imagine! It’s amazing how you can love those little things that, that are really… not so special these days, but in those days were really special.”
Paused recording
“…brazil nuts are so hard to crack! And walnuts… and hazelnuts… So we got them all in the shells so we had to crack them ourselves and we had these special nutcrackers that worked really well. That was really special to get all those nuts at Christmas. It’s so sad sometimes these days, Fabian, that you get everything all the time! So you don’t have a special time of year when “oh, this is the time for hazelnuts, this is the time for nuts in general because you harvest them in the Autumn and then they get dried and then you eat them and Christmas and it’s so special! And these days you can buy everything whenever you want to! It’s really not the same experience.”
“There’s really something to be said for just taking your time with something, isn’t there?”
“Yeah! Yeah, really is.”