Whatever your thoughts before clicking on this link (and why did you click on something with this title?), this post is not an absurd adult fiction novel. Instead, it is a set of mental health analogies and I really enjoyed writing them.
Before you get stuck in, I’d like to point out that a) no analogy is ever perfect and b) these have been written with the influence of my experiences thus far and I might find out that they’re wrong in the future, even for me, so take it all with a pinch of salt. That being said, it would be wonderful if you learned something useful as a result of reading this. Let’s go.
The Ageing Mechanic
The car has an abundance of cogs, levers, mechanisms, wiring and whatever else. It’s complicated and at first the idea of being able to build, maintain and fix this thing is beyond ridiculous. ‘Why does it have to be so difficult?’, you think. Someone can show you how to do everything, but they’ve never actually worked on your particular car before and you don’t learn from being shown what to do, anyway; you need to actually do it yourself. That being said, you do still learn some things from others and most of the rest you learn by intuition.
After a while, the overwhelming number of things you need to do to keep this car running becomes a bit more manageable. The car still coughs and splutters sometimes and every so often it stops altogether, but overall, you’re learning how to care for this car better and things are improving. You might change the fuel you’re giving your car, swap the tires to suit the weather or slow down and drop into a lower gear to climb a hill. You accept what the car needs and adjust accordingly.
After several years, you look back and see all that you’ve learned. You realise that you needed all of that time, care and attention to become so good at looking after this car. If you’d known what you knew now, you’d have trusted yourself a bit more. You’d have relaxed and not gotten so frustrated at those mistakes you made – even that time you almost set the car on fire and another mechanic had to put it out for you (you now always keep a fire extinguisher nearby).
That’s another thing that you realise: you couldn’t have done this without other people. Yeah, sometimes someone would do something that got in the way, but it doesn’t matter so much anymore. You understand that it wasn’t personal – even though it felt at the time – and you were able to find another way eventually. If anything, you hope that they’ve got everything they need now so they don’t need to steal anyone else’s parts and can look after their car properly. You harbour no ill feelings (most of the time) and instead you are so grateful to the people who created, sold and transported all of the tools you needed, those that gave you a garage so you could work in the rain and the others that taught you what they could.
You never thought you’d have to be a mechanic and it’s a tough job, but it is empowering and you have learned to love it. As you look forward, you can’t wait to learn more and to start giving back by teaching the next generation so that they can enjoy their cars for even longer and more intensely than you enjoyed yours.
Travel Troubles
We all have a part of us that speaks to us more negatively. I call my one Dave (no offence to any Daves out there). Dave the dickhead: he’s a bit of a jack the lad without much emotional intelligence. He can really put me down and when he starts dictating too much of what I do, I get into a weird place where I get frustrated about getting frustrated and then even more frustrated because I know that’s stupid. However, Dave is my friend and is doing his best to help me.
“Oh no! Fabe, what are we gonna do?”
“What’s up?”
“The train to King’s Cross is delayed!”
“But Dave, we’re going to Brighton.”
“Yeah, I know, but something bad happened, so I thought you should know.”
“Thanks mate, but it doesn’t affect us, so we don’t need to worry about it.”
“It’s the opposite direction, they could have collided.”
“Dave… They’re not cars, they’re on tracks.”
“I guess, but –”
“We can handle it. Now let me read my book.”
“So, I don’t need to worry?”
“No, you don’t, we’ll be okay.”
“That’s good.
“Thanks though.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Fabian…?”
“What’s up?”
“Our train is about to leave.”
“SHIT, let’s go!”
Listen to your Dave when he’s being helpful. Calm him down (or tape his mouth shut) when he’s not.
I’M A VEGAAAAAN!!!
How do you know if someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you.
I wasn’t always a vegan and only committed to veganism at the end of January 2020. I spent most of my life consuming some sort of animal product every day and in my first year of uni, I would eat an egg, bacon and sausage sarnie for most of my lunches (yes, it was incredible), before having a pack of minced beef as part of my dinner. On top of that, earlier this year, I spent a week at my granddad’s and stuffed myself full of prawns, meat and dairy (including an entire cheesecake). Even just last night, I ate my dad’s two leftover sausages.
Regardless, I am still a vegan.
I have spent most of my life not being a vegan and I have periods where I do not act like a vegan in the slightest, but I still consider myself to be a vegan because that has been my default for a considerable length of time.
I try to use that to remind myself that even when I have a super shitty day, week, month or more where for a lot of the time I can be inpatient and sometimes even nasty, that does not mean that I am not a supportive and kind person. Moreover, if there is a value that I want to live by but currently do not, I can still learn to.
It's also a lesson in setting realistic goals. If being vegan was an all or nothing situation for me, then I would very quickly revert to consuming animal products, but it's not. Allowing myself to fail 2% of the time has actually been an essential part of my being successful in the other 98% of occasions - which is a fantastic success in my books!
The last - and most definitely not least - important point to be gained from this analogy is that I do not always have to prove myself. Just because I have not proved my value or it is not recognised by myself or someone else, that does not mean that I do not have value.
For me, anxious feelings are connected to this stuff. I hope that if I can remember this vegan lesson more often, anxious feelings will subside and be less frequent. I’ve tried using achievement as a way to override anxiety for the last 20-odd years and let me tell you, it does not work!
Febreez-ily the Worst Thing I’ve Ever Smelled
Now maybe I’m letting on a tad too much here, but I often go for poos. It’s natural, get over it. Once I’m all finished up and have washed my hands, I usually just leave and that’s that. There are, however, times when someone wants to go in afterwards and I can’t let them in there without a gas mask. I’ve built up a tolerance, so I’m okay, but they haven’t and I don’t want to go to jail for manslaughter, so I get some perfume and spray it a few times. And then I realise my mistake.
Oh god no. What is this ungodly fusion of scents? I combined lavender and lavatory and somehow this witch’s potion has transported me to the underworld. WHY DIDN’T I JUST OPEN THE WINDOW???
Now, I’m not going to s[h]it here and argue that this is the best analogy in the world, but hopefully it did give you a giggle. The point I’m perhaps failing to make is that sometimes when you feel awful, you can try to get rid of it as fast as possible with drugs and alcohol, sport and work or whatever else and it just ends up making things worse. Often, acceptance and vulnerability are the keys needed to open the window so that you can gently release the negativity. In the meantime, you can cope. You’ve coped with everything else that life has thrown your way.
Cold Showers
Have you ever had a shower and decided to turn the dial to the coldest setting possible? I have and I remember the first time that I tried doing it – I couldn’t breathe. I was just a kid and I started hyperventilating the moment that the water hit my chest. I tried so hard to stay in, but I gave up pretty quickly.
It was quite a few years later that my mum said that she had started having cold showers for the health benefits and so, after psyching myself up, I tried it once more. Again, I couldn’t think of anything else and struggled to breathe, but I took it slow this time and after several showers, I was fine with the coldest setting. Actually, I bloody loved it. Instead of going from the hot shower to the cold room and being freezing, I was met by the warmth of the room. I felt refreshed and had this amazing tingling sensation as a result of the improved blood flow.
I loved it so much that I started challenging myself to aim the cold water at the top of my head, rather than at my chest. Bloody hell. After just a few seconds, the water hitting my head felt like knives stabbing my brain. My lips went blue and all the colour drained from my fingers and toes. But I knew that I could handle it, so the next time I had a shower, I psyched myself up and pushed myself again. My time under the coldest water went from 5 to 10 to eventually 60 seconds. The cold isn’t so bad for me anymore and my body adapted so much that when I next took my temperature, I was a degree colder than you would usually expect someone to be.
Now imagine that instead of a cold shower, I was actually stepping into a negative emotional state. The moment that things start going bad, your instinct is to run away. Sometimes you won’t have the knowledge of how to handle a situation and if it’s bad enough, getting out is the right idea. But if it’s not dangerous and you are patient, resilient and have the right support, you can stay in that emotional state for long enough to learn from the situation and develop. Over time, you will begin to teach your mind that what you previously perceived as a threat can be an opportunity.
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